HA HA FUNNY STUFF!

[Marr-bles™]

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.


2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.


3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.


4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.


5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.


6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.


7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.


8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.


9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'


10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.


11. Only in America......do we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway.

---------------

EVER WONDER


Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

*Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

------------------
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:


On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( I have no other time to dry my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how...?)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." ( But, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well... a bit late, huh?)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...noooo... Really?)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because...?)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to... what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

[. : ÷Cakey÷ : .]

I would say something. But it would all come out in random capital letters.

So, I waSIURHTBSOIUTHIOEGRTVRIUNYEUVAEMWOTIAWVMEN
BTAPEWUTPCAQWROTMPAERITVA,WVE[TOBMERTOP[IGMEYPBIMETWP,RTPIWEMBTPWBEMIYOPUER,VTJGOPIRH
SGPIVRTIMWETRYUNERTUPWBYYUVYPIOETWIBUENYOERU
BIOTBYNPIORMTWUVPIOEWRTBWEJICOPVERPJEBORBUEY.

THAT WAS HILARIOUS.

For the "only in america", I should mention that I, in all my years in Canada, have never found drive-through ATMs at all, let alone ones with braille. But as soon as I drive into America, my dad is using one.

For the Hilarious questions, I like the black box one. And the Congress one.

For the warning labels, I find it funny, because the only reason those labels are on is because people have tried it, sued the company, and then was settled out of court for a smaller amount of money for putting a warning label on the product. This makes the Swedish one HILARIOUS. Maybe the Japanese/Engrish one has something to do with genitals thatthey do not want to talk about, but refer to it as the mysterious "other use"...

[Nikkeh [Love]]

Ok... I don't mean to be rude, but stuff like this ticks me off. Everyone acts like the US is the most retarted country throughtout the whole world. Um, hello? Who is so much better off than over half the other countries?

Not to mention, people always act like the US makes the most retarted mistakes, while i'm sure places like France or Italy or somewhere makes the same amount of mistakes. People from other countries look down upon our countries because of stuff like this, people post up stuff that makes the US seem stupid, but people don't ever post up stuff that makes Japan look stupid.

Also people say that Americans are stupid as well. They say Americans are stupid, overweight, and don't know how to eat right. Well, sorry to inform you, but that's not EVERY American. There are LOTS of vegetarians, lots of people who eat healthy and DON'T eat fast food every day. And there are lots of really smart Americans too, that focus on making this country better than it already is.

When you want to say that a country is stupid, how about stopping yourself, being mature, and thinking about everyone individually. But that would take to long, wouldn't it? So how about don't put stuff like this up, making people look down on America. I, for one, am proud of where I live in the US, and don't think that us Americans are a bunch of fat retards. I'll admit, there are some, but not everyone.

It's stuff like this that makes it so hard to get along with people from other countries. If I go onto an online board somewhere that has people from all over the world, and I say that i'm from the US, they all start going off about how the US is stupid. Okaaay... How is it we're a super country if we're stupid?

Sorry about this, but stuff like this just makes me angry.

[. : ÷Cakey÷ : .]

You are totally right to be angry about the American Stereotype, but the "Funny Stuff" post wasn't really speaking to that. It was just pointing out funny flaws with a few of the businesses, and some wordplay, and the only slightly off one I found was about the cheeseburgers with a diet coke.

Stereotypes are only occasionally funny, (example Canadian Idiot, by Wierd Al) and are every other time not (example, any episode of South Park [they have good non-racial jokes, but they're hard to find]). You have the right to be angry. But this thread didn't really support the stereotype.

And although I could counter a few of your points, I won't, because I don't want to.

[Marr-bles™]

YOu know Nikki.. I think you OVERTHOUGHT this whole ... 'FUNNY' stuff... It's not against anyone... HECK, I'M FROM THE US! and I find this merely amusing cause ALOT Of it is actually true.

My god, if I knew someone was going to get bent out of shape over a few funny 'facts', i would have set it only a few would have seen. Can't you read ANYTHING for the purpose of HUMOR??

[Mousiemus Prime]

Nikki would you please reread that whole post? Please? Because there are many that point out fun-facts from Switzerland and Japan. There was also a WHOLE SECTION not saying ANYTHING about the US. This section being the EVER WONDER section. It just asks a bunch of questions that are meant to make you laugh and think.

Another thing, for the record. I am almost positive almost 4-5 of the final little part have things that can be found all over the world! This was meant to be funny and make you laugh. There are things like this all over the place. Not once did Marree say that America was stupid! Now, did she? No!

Would you like to know what pisses me off?

People who overthink things and can't just accept that people talk shit about other people. People native to a country will most likely always say something bad about a country whose government or political actions they don't agree with. People who overthink something and then go off on this wild tangent about god knows what. Things like this are meant to be funny. It is people who take it all too seriously and overthink it, that generally kill them.

Marr-ee, I thought it was hilarious. Because most of them are true and make you wonder. Why do they chain the pens to the counter? And why is it we get packs of hotdogs in 10 but only 8 rolls? WHY!? And right now...I think I want to check and see if the Dial Soap one is actually true. Because that is what we have!

[Mousiemus Prime]

Dial Soap's package says this;
Wet bar with water.
Lather vigerously and wash skin.
Rinse and dry thoroughly.


Maybe that is just make pack...IDUNNO.

[Delerium]

Hell, I know we Canadians aren't the brightest lot, (just look at me and Cakey XDD) but Americans like to make fun of us and you don't see us getting all bent out of shape.
I don't even know what a 'hoser' really is XD

Yeah, ok, I live in a forest, but I don't use an outhouse, we have running water, and I'm a security guard, not a lumberjack! And for the record, I don't know anyone named Doug or Gordan

And that's my two cents.

What makes the states so great anyway?

[Seaheart]

Heh...I actually cried from laughter. Maybe I'm more tolerant of it because I freaking make fun of our movies, shows, our celebrities. I'm hoping to perhaps be a comedian when I grow up. But let's face it Nikki, the U.S is the biggest country in the world, meaning the bigger it is, the more flaws there are. While some hold no signifigance whatsoever, it makes good jokes. But tell you what. you want someone who makes fun of America, but also makes fun of every other race out there, watch Mind of Mencia.

[Nikkeh [Love]]

Yea, I get what ya'll are saying. I was only pointing out the FIRST part of the post. Not about the whole damn thing. But yea, I get it. I understand. Like I said in my post, if you even read it thoroughly, was that this stuff merely bugs me. I'm not gonna sit here like an immature child and argue about it.

[Delerium]

Ok... now that everyone's had their say, I think it would be best if I just lock this thread.